Keys to Happiness: Be Your Own #1 Fan.

As I was pondering over where to begin with this blog and how I could bring interesting topics into the fold, a question popped into my mind, “How do we know if we are truly happy?” How is happiness measured??? Do we weigh our level of happiness based on what stuff we have accumulated, how well our relationships are progressing, how much we like our job???

This notion has led me to the idea that true inner happiness is really just a choice. We can choose to respond to our outer world and our ego-self and equate that response to our level of happiness or we can choose that each and every day we will live in joy and bliss and magnetize those joyful, blissful experiences our way.

So how do we do this???? I believe that one way that we can begin to facilitate this process is to be our own #1 fan. Think about yourself for a moment, what is it that makes you totally unique? What things do you do or say to yourself when you are alone that make you laugh out loud at how funny you are or how good your life really is right in the moment. What do you like about yourself???

We live in a day and age where it seems that the harder you are on yourself, the more “results” you can achieve in a shorter period of time. We want it all and we want it yesterday. Many times we are vehemently pursuing a course of action to fill a void while simultaneously living in a state of scarcity. If we are truly attracting what we think about than it make sense why so many individuals feel like they are coming up short in life.

Take the Coach Cory Challenge: Give yourself a really hard look today and instead of finding flaws or faults, recognize the beautiful, loving points about who you are today. Laugh at yourself and notice how good it feels. Stop taking yourself so seriously. Be your own #1 fan. Observe what new things, people and experiences you begin to attract as a result of this new way of thinking. Have Fun!!!!

Success Guaranteed by Doing One Thing

It's human nature to want to succeed. Whether you are a professional athlete, the CEO of a company, a parent, a lover or a friend, people have an innate desire to succeed and it seems that there are plenty of people out there with the secrets to success. You are all intelligent people and perfectly capable of filtering through the constant flow of success techniques, so I am not going to tell you the 5 steps to this or the 9 laws of that or the 21 principles that they follow. I am going to tell you the one thing you can do today that will guarantee a higher degree of success in every facet of your life. Before I tell you about that one thing, I want to talk to you about success.

Success is a very personal concept. Webster's dictionary defines success as "the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors". Think about that for a moment. This definition implies success lies in the outcome of conscious intent. Paint a picture in your mind of something that is important to you. Something you strive to be successful at. Maybe it is a career aspiration or maybe it involves a relationship with a child or partner. Whatever it is, to be successful you must be aware of it, you must have a conscious intent to be so.

In addition to the conscious intent, you must be able to define the desired outcome. You define the desired outcome by comparison. The end state that you call success must be in comparison to your current situation, some previous situation or to the situation of someone else. What ever the comparison, it is your perception that the end state is desirable.

Therefore, success is determined in the context of your reality. So what is the context of your reality? Look around you. If your aim of success is related to your career, the context of your reality may include how your employer or customers perceive you. If your aim of success is related to your family, the context of your reality would involve how your children or partner perceive you. No matter what the aim, the context of your reality involves how you perceive yourself.

Putting all this together, you can define success as the end state of conscious intentions to adjust your perceived reality.

Now let's get back to the one thing you can do that will guarantee a higher degree of success. Incorporate a feedback system into your life. I am not talking about an elaborate system of metrics I am talking about asking one question, "how am I doing with (fill in the blank)." Sounds pretty easy right? The challenge you will face will come from first being humble enough to ask, then taking the feedback with unconditional positive regard and making changes in your thoughts or behaviors when deemed necessary.

Here's how it works. First, be very clear about what it is that you want to be successful with and have a clear picture about what the end state looks like so you will know when you have reached it. In other words, clearly define your goals. Next, identify who the players are in determining your success, these are your stakeholders. This may be your boss, your customers, your partner, your children or maybe it is just yourself. Now you need to let all of your stakeholders know what you are working towards. Finally ask the question, at least once a day "how am I doing with..." Thank them for the feedback and privately reflect on what you were given.

Some of the feedback you will take and use to adjust your actions, some you will take as encouragement that you are on the right path and some you will take and decide you will not do anything with it at this point in time. The key here is not to negate the feedback that is given; it is real and often is part of your blind spot. Keep a journal of the feedback. If you find you are getting similar feedback from different people this is a good indication that you have an area that needs attention. Even if you are the only stakeholder in your given aspirations, ask yourself, check in and write down your thoughts about how you are doing. Reflect on the feedback you have given yourself and make adjustments in your thoughts or behaviors where appropriate.

By implementing this simple feedback system you will achieve a higher degree of success in whatever it is you aspire to achieve.

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Moving forward is always a good idea…

I was talking to a girlfriend yesterday about some issues she is having with one of her relationships. Why are relationships so difficult at times? After a rather lengthy series of questions, I can’t help it, I am a coach after all, it occurred to me that as long as we keep our focus on the past, we cannot truly move forward. We might be going through the motions, but until we make the commitment to let the past stay in the past, it will continue to have an impact on our future.

Instead of wondering what went wrong or how we got in a not-so-satisfying situation, it is a good practice to recognize that we are where we are and that everything is exactly how it should be for this moment. When we try to retrace our steps we sap all of our energy out of the present moment. Since we can never change the past, it makes sense not to dwell on it too much.

Additionally, if what you think about expands, you probably want to put your attention on something more positive anyway.

Change Your Life by Changing Your Mind, How To Create and Extraordinary Life

Do you want to create change in your life? Do you wake up in the mornings with the sense that you could be doing something different that would be more fulfilling? Do you toss and turn at nights wondering what more is out there for you? Don’t worry, you are not alone. People are dynamic, we need change, unfortunately not many people understand the psychology behind change. If it were as easy as reading the latest self-help book or attending a weekend seminar, you would find yourself accomplishing everything you wanted to accomplish and experiencing fulfillment in every facet of your life. So what’s the barrier to realizing change? It’s habits. As appealing as change may sound, we habitually prefer the comfort of familiarity over the uncomfortable, often difficult process of making the changes that will lead to a more fulfilling life. So how do you break this habit? The first thing you can do is understand the psychology behind change. Don’t worry, it’s not rocket science, it’s about patterns of behavior and thought.

Research has shown that for a lasting change to occur, individuals must have:
1) insight into a need or the desire to make a change,
2) motivation for making a change,
3) knowledge, skills and abilities necessary for change,
4) real world experience to apply new knowledge, skills and abilities, and
5) accountability linked to the change process.

Let’s look at each of these requirements to change. First is insight into a need, or the desire to make change. This typically stems from a life transition such as ending a relationship, loosing or changing a job, approaching a birthday, anniversary or new year. Whatever the origin of the insight, the result is the same, you are left with an unsettling sense that something needs to be different.

Is that nagging voice in your head enough to drive you to change? That depends. Your life circumstances will greatly influence your motivation. The 45-year-old mother of three will have a different motivating force than the 24-year-old single college graduate. If your desires for change are realistic within the context of your current circumstances, the motivation for action will be present. The thoughts about what the future holds will now be keeping you up at night.

It’s time to take action. “But what action” you may ask. The first step is to clearly define what your future looks like. With a clear picture of your ideal future you can begin to identify the steps it will take to get you there. You will probably need to acquire new skills, make new acquaintances, and have new experiences. You will need an action plan to move you from what you currently know and do to your vision of what could be. Here is where most people get derailed. Here is where the difficult and uncomfortable part of change comes into play. It’s easy to dream about a new reality, but to take action requires work. Not only work to learn new techniques or tactical ways of doing things, you have to look at your patterns of thought. Your inner saboteur will come in and tell you “this is too difficult, you’ll never get it, you could be spending your time, energy, money on something else, and it’s not worth it”. So you go back to doing what you’ve always done, and you get what you’ve always gotten.

The only way to break this pattern of complacency is to hold yourself accountable for taking action. Most people cannot do this alone. Most people need someone outside themselves to keep them on track, sticking to the plan. You need to have an unconditional collaborator (partner, friend, family member or coach) to hold you accountable for getting off the couch and out into the world of possibility. You need someone to push you through the difficult process of changing your habits and thoughts. You need someone to slay your inner saboteur.

Do you think you’re ready to take action on changing your life? The first thing you need to do is find that unconditional collaborator. A few people will have these types of relationships readily at hand, a partner, friend or family member. Most of us, however, get lost in the emotional dynamics of their existing relationships so much so that having them play an unconditional role in your change process is unrealistic. Hiring a personal coach to take you through the process is an option many are discovering. Professionally trained personal coaches know the psychological process that underlie change and can customize a program based on your particular needs and goals. Quality Life Solutions Coaches use the DARE model to creating lasting change. To put it to use for yourself, take the following steps:

Define: What is your burning desire? Where do you want to see yourself a year from now? 3, 5 and 10 years out? Do you want wealth? Do you want to find your soul mate? Do you want a healthy body? Mind? Soul? Do you want to accelerate your career to a higher level of success? Start your own business? DARE to define exactly what you want. Create the vision of your future and put it on paper. Cut out pictures, write down aspirations and don’t hold back.
Action: Planned, purposeful action paired with affirmations, influence internal forces to create lasting change. Write down the action steps to get there. You may not know all the steps initially, but with each step written and taken, the path will become clearer and you will move closer to accomplishing your goals. Write down affirmations and repeat them several times everyday, especially when you wake up and before you go to sleep at night. Affirmations are a necessary part of reprogramming your thoughts.
Receive: By examining the attitudes, behaviors and beliefs that may interfere with achieving goals, you will be prepared to receive and accept the changes that come through the Define and Action process. Use your unconditional collaborator to pull you through this difficult process. Remember, you are worthy of an extraordinary life.
Expand: Never stop growing. Reflect and expand on the process. Repeat the cycle and realize dreams you never before thought possible.

Change is a difficult process; however, you can take comfort in the fact that your desire for change is part of personal growth. If it were easy, you would never come across anyone in an unsettled state. The key is to make your transitions in life as effective as possible. Creating your extraordinary life is within your reach, with guidance and determination you can accomplish anything you desire.